Can you ask for a different social worker or complain to the social work … and report your Dad, your Mum and your sisters to the Police. No adult was looking out for you. 6 session feelings programme for children affected by domestic abuse The guide below outlines a 6 session Feelings Programme. There is criticism from a variety of sources including Women’s Aid about how useful the family courts are in dealing with violent parents. I have reported things to gp police and xhildren services . having now studied child protection in university I can clearly see the child protection professionals that had a duty to safeguard a child like I, failed in doing so, from the way they acted like they didn’t want to be there, to the way they didn’t take me seriously as a child. Where ever she is, there will be temptations and bad influences. Funding pressures, Conlon suggests, may be influencing commissioners to buy cheaper, more generic services put on by large corporate providers that have no specialist knowledge of domestic abuse. Sometimes there isn’t enough evidence to convict in a normal court but that doesn’t mean he is beyond reproach . They should work with you to keep you and your daughter safe but if they think you are not going to work with them then I am afraid this is likely to escalate the situation. My same situation…. What findings were made against your former partner? Because the harm done to children who have to witness or listen to someone they love being abused, is potentially extremely serious. It is really difficult but it isn’t safe for those children to be in that house if that person is perpetrating domestic abuse. He will never change, but pretend to everyone like he has. Even if your dad isn’t physically hurting them, he and your mum are giving a really toxic example of how adults operate to your sisters. http://www.beatingtheblues.co.uk/ Tell him to visit The Family Rights Group (FRG) website for help and advice as to where he can get an independent advocate. Social Services Getting Help from the Department of Social Services (DSS) In New York State, all victims of domestic violence, regardless of immigration status, can access emergency services including shelter, counseling, support groups, advocacy and other crisis services, regardless of income or resources. To this day I will never fully understand why, despite my efforts, no single professional adult would listen to me from the council and my school. ■ When we have private companies making huge profits out of prisons , the more prisoners the better for them and corrupt practices are bound to arise. I would also like to reiterate to you ,that Mr xxxxx would have feigned concern about my welfare, he has considerable acting ability, a man who puts on a tremendous show, a popular comedian. Is your DCF worker wrong in thinking your boyfriend or spouse is dangerous to you or your child? It may be simply the ones that go wrong end up on forums. Read more about how ... this free service can help. They were alcoholics. At first the social worker just asked me to leave my children with my parents for the weekend, however moments later a police officer took my children under police protection coz of a phone call my ex partner made saying I was going to kill myself (this was not true,it was malicious as I had pressed charges … I reported my husband to police for verbal abuse. My son has been placed with us by social services. Thanks again for your replies. The Personal Support Unit is also good at offering emotional support; they are based at most large courts – but they can’t give legal advice. Also, they were horrible to me and very judgmental and hostile, which was unnecessary and served no purpose. The police can only remove for 72 hours and then need the authority of a court order. That’s the moment when schools start to focus on them. Can’t report if husband is abusive to her again otherwise social have warned they will take the kids away. ”But while many, …, called for a reduction in prisoner numbers, Gove placed his faith in the reform prisons programme. You won’t be told the outcome of any investigation but you will at least be reassured that baby is safe if they are remaining there. Have the SW asked that you go on the Freedom Programme or similar? My mother went on to have 3 more children. You can apply to the court to get a non-molestation order and an occupation order under the Family Law Act 1996, to have an abusive person ordered out of your home. it was really a stressful period to me because i could dint go through the heartbreak. The problems and worries are made worse by the fact that abusive relationships can carry on for a long time. But women need to accept that a manipulative/vindictive/emotionally bullying pattern of behaviour is as innate to women as it is to men and that a case of a woman being abusive is not an abberation but normal and very commonplace. Think how awful it would be for your daughter and yourself were Mum to divorce you and the Court took the child from you! I have rang my Health Visitor and explained my concern and she reassured me that it’s for my support and not to any way take my daughter….im still really raw with angst as I’ve read where kids were taken because of the mom reporting the domestic violence.. Wishing you lots of strength for the days ahead. Child Contact and Domestic Violence in the UK Courts. ), mediate, arbitrate together, make both of them recognise their individual failings and the reasons for the fighting,admit to them , repent and change their ways, then to shake hands and conciliate. Nevertheless , it will be helpful if you acknowledge it was hasty of you to start having babies before you both knew all about one another,before you both knew of one another’s respective faults and so on. In fact the presumption is in entirely the opposite direction – children should remain with their parents if at all possible, can only be removed if necessary on safety grounds, and if there is a risk of significant harm (I’m summarising the law, but hopefully doing so more accurately than the CiF article). The care population is known about and you should be able to find stats on that. The House of Commons Education Committee Fourth Report ‘Children First: the child protection system in England’ said this in 2013: 72. If not already married,you should arrange a wedding a.s.a.p. Your child is a product of both of you. You are rising sing safeguarding issues and you should report them if you think your daughter is being exposed to them. Your lawyer can advise you properly. They didn’t take it upon themselves to remove children from parents on the grounds they just might not be safe in the care of parents on the basis of risk-assessment. yes they will be worried. They don’t, she warns, have the expertise to help severely damaged children and “will do no more than work to the letter of their contract”. But I agree that its often difficult to get the help and support you need and many women are in very difficult and dangerous positions. I think many more women than you think don’t want to call the police for fear of losing their children. This is often a difficult situation to manage and isn’t always managed well. my ex , the perpetrator has not even ever been placed on supervised contact. All the other casual punches, scratches that I get, I simply roll with. Also, what leverage does the health visitor have when she gives her assessment? The Bar Council keeps a list of all barristers who can take your instructions directly. As for breaking the unions or ‘power bases’ that hold different views and values.. that is the approach taken with Local Government by the Thatcher Govt, in the 1980s..hence the sale of County Hall in London and the break up of the GLC and the creation of the London Borough system where Wandsworth and Westminster ‘showcased’ the new model of Local Government. What’s missing is a national discussion of what do we expect schools to do, given there is an expectation now schools should be intervening early in families.”. Isn’t this unfit parenting? However, there are people who will support you and I hope you contact them. The fathers needs do not come first, its the child and their wellbeing!! Such as “have you learnt your lesson”, you have to “accept domestic violence” and don’t complain to police, court or solicitor. Perhaps more openness will improve matters. Each state has government agencies in charge of looking after the wellbeing of children. We are grateful for this contribution from one of our readers who works in this field. My ex husband physically abused him while I was at work when he was younger. Finally it looks like someone somewhere is getting a wind of the truth. Wherever possible, the focus should be on supporting that parent and helping them to protect their children themselves, rather than on removing the children. IF someone threatens you, don’t cower away and kow -tow. For future reference, it is "domestic violence… The CS can’t reform him| never equals Right’, Reporting you’re a victim of domestic violence and fear of having your kids taken away because of it, is not a myth. I have no money and no where to go but he would never leave and if he did he would keep coming back with out the backup of police, There are options, it is just very difficult to see them when you are in the middle of the situation. Yes I am angry who wouldn’t be, the whole thing has felt very surreal. But its impossible to advise you without knowing the full facts of the case. My advice would be to get support from where ever you can (family, friend a councillor) try and relax I know its hard but it is the best thing for your health and will keep you level headed. Domestic violence and poor mental health are the biggest issues facing children on the books of social services in England, new figures show. I had one client who pulled the hair out of her hair brush and told the police it had been yanked out of her head. I have nothing to hide or destroy if nobody has told anybody anything. With thresholds for statutory intervention are climbing ever higher as cuts bite, even a referral by police or school may not prompt much meaningful action: the services that could offer this are patchy and often provided by voluntary sector specialists that have lost funding and therefore the capacity to help early on. But it’s not going to change what anyone thinks that should really care . I also think we all agree that the care system is not fit for purpose. Whoever disagree with me should read about narcissistic sociopaths. She was sleeping in her room while the incident. Miracles do happen and i hope your tale ends happily for you all. She loves her cuddles and giving cuddles as well x I spoke to my partner very calmly and clearly and explained that we need help as this is and will destroy our family and will make me leave with the baby . I confidently assert that where neither parent has been convicted of a crime against children and neither has been charged with or convicted of domestic violence they are better off left where they are than risk joining the 10,000 kids in care who end up missing or dead. He now in retaliation to that he has lied to the Court and has had a Prohibited Steps Order against me preventing me taking my child to see my parents in India for school summer holidays and the holidays are now wasted and there’s a hearing again in October which initially was scheduled for the 11th September but owing to CAFCASS report not ready yet it got rescheduled. I had been a single parent and come out of a refuge and i was told i needed to sing the praises of man who was abusive. If there is a court order in place, the court will expect it to be obeyed. It is very dangerous to use with perpetrators of domestic abuse, which is about power and control – not anger. For the sake of the discussion,even if I accept that you think that the Family Court have to try criminals (indeed it is the Law)and that they should have the power to remove children but not to gaol criminals) ,I would have to insist that family court hearings rely. Certainly don’t agree to any assessment by someone who does not have a current practice, and who works exclusively for the LA. He simply needs it impressing upon him that it is unacceptable to shout,swear and threaten girls. She is my rock. This is bound to please your wife who i feel pretty sure chose you as a husband because of the undoubted loving,honest and human qualities you possess in abundance. We have reached a point where otherwise reasonable people have to take sides in a tribal way. Concerns have been expressed previously on this resource that , in order to maintain a good supply of prisoners in the future in accordance with the growth requirements essential to private companies running the prisons, the low standards of ‘proof’ which pertain to Civil ( Family Proceedings) Courts presently may be adapted for use within the criminal system. There has also been a history of drug use and reported sale of drugs from the home. Likewise if your tries to diminish the seriousness of escaping to a refuge. Getting your lover or husband back2. Good luck. I take a huge amount of offence ,I started to read this article with a great amount of interest UNTIL I GOT TO THE INFURIATING PHRASE ‘HER (AND IT IS ALMOST ALWAYS HER) HOW DARE YOU I AM A 6’ 2″ 190 KG MAN and I am trappes in an abusive l, narcissistic relationship, i stay for my 2 kids (I did have a stepson who obliged like my own, until his mum couldn’t accept his ADHD and rather than help him, she shipped him offmto a father that phoned him twice in four years, that was allegedly abusive towards her, sold his sons toys and took a belt to him) I strongly suggest you do some research before writing an article get in touch with ‘the mankind initiative’, ‘families need fathers’, ‘family matters’ and learn how over 43% of victims of domestic violence (which incidentally isn’t always physical) are MEN!!!! But the risks increase when a victim decides to leave. The biggest problem you have these days is that there is very little help these days for those with MH problems. There may be some information here that can help https://childprotectionresource.online/legal-advice/. When I finally went for help I was dumbfounded by the reaction of the women at the domestic violence centre. Says he wouldnt have had poor attendance in mirsery if my son lived with him. The CS care little for the adult victims of dv; their only interest is the children that is why they are called Children’s Services. Or was he vulnerable and uneducated? I can already see quite a lot of minimisation and denial in your short comment and this will worry them. Merry Xmas to you and yours,anyway. I can understand that you are not protecting the children with them witnessing domestic violence BUT agencies/authorities really must take victims seriously to give them a chance to escape. He can manipulate and put on a show to anybody but behind clothes doors, hes a nasty man who would emotionally abuse and frighten my child if he gained unsupervised access. Children don’t usually get to decide an issue, unless they are in mid to late teens, but the older the get the more weight their wishes and feelings have. QUOTE: I am redacting this comment. redacted. And headteachers are increasingly recognising the importance of their role, with increasing numbers recruiting family link workers, often paid for out of pupil premium money (£1,300 extra paid to schools for every “disadvantaged” child on roll). And I have found lits of examples of children were taken in to the care after thr mother reported the abuse. I agree and have been through exactly the same thing 10 years ago when I filed for Divorce! I feel certain that your daughter will have more respect for her own father than anyone else and will grow up like you not like them.Have confidence in her .Have trust in your wife and never forget that criminals also have good in them somewhere fighting to get out. If children are removed, it will be to keep them safe. hi … can anyone help me , I am the father of 4 year old and me and my wife live in our home and have a morgage. He can apply to the courts for a child arrangements order for the children to live with him and for the court to restrict the time they spend with you – but he will need some pretty clear evidence that the children are at risk of harm from your partner. taking or peddling drugs,violent robbery or assault what should you do? Evidence is hidden from courts, or even destroyed by authorities. However, I can say with some authority ,having seen professional advice provided to others who shall remain nameless that you are quite wrong to state that medication and talking therapy is often the optimum solution. 1. Domestic violence can happen against anyone, and anybody can be an abuser. This social worker couldnt even get facts right follow procedure and made thedecision to send my son to live with someone who is an abuser. This forbids degradation ( and mental torture) absolutely unless it has been decided lawfully and there is a pressing social need. Or Father might take time off work to look after the kids. A Social Worker’s Guide to Domestic Violence. if you complain about harassment or intimidation we will start legal action regarding child living arrangements. fully investigate what has gone wrong. He has hitting me ones when I was 17wks pregnant and I moved n went to my friend house. On the flip side, can they prevent ex seeing children??? Its really damaging for them to grow up thinking that this is what relationships between men and women are like. Why the blind eyes and cover- up.It is hard to say unless you tell us more. Please tell us whether she did or not? I do actually agree that public hearings could be an important part of ensuring accountability and good practice; my views have definitely shifted since February 2014 when this site started. However, the term “domestic violence” can also include abuse directed at any members of a shared household. It must be a very frightening and difficult situation for you. I think people ought to be given a chance to show that they can change. They would not declare either that because recovery is unlikely within six-month time-scales ,it would be better to get the child adopted nor would they dream of saying that when a mother took anti-depressants or had some other mental problem ( except in the most dire circumstances) that a child was not ‘safe’ with its own mother! If your partner has been violent in the past then people are going to be very worried about him. you can ask the Judge if you can be helped by a ‘McKenzie Friend’ – this is someone who can come to court with you and take notes and help you think of questions. The worst of prison is the outcomes for offenders, the ‘best’ is that vulnerable people find a way to keep going back, because they know they are ‘safe’ there. I know for a fact, from having read research, that social dislocation is the cause of much family dysfunction. There always is something wrong with a bully. It’s not very christmassy to delete my comment is it? This is obviously going to be complicated if your wife has close ties with violent criminals and that might have an impact on the decisions the court makes about where the child lives and how the parents spend time with the child. You are not selfish. Thats hw i open up and tell them what has been going on. If you have time, please tell us more about your friend. If the solicitor asks you to do either, fire them and get another. Can social workers not see through a staged interview? Jack, I can only offer some general advice from one father to another . I left my abusive husband for the safety of my children. He could be very popular and charming because he learned and practiced to gain trust and the art of charm, so much that you often think you’re the one who’s at fault and should look up to him. What they need is safety, stability and security. What I can do however is make some general points – I think it is fantastic that anyone takes the steps they need to take to deal with behaviour that is hurting themselves and others. I think it is stress ,some suffered outside at work etc. xxxxxx I gave up my job to be a stay at home mom and she also still breast feeds. Within the UK gender is socially constructed. But be clear about what battle it is you want to fight and direct your energies accordingly. I am fearful of divorcing him and getting a child court order as he is pushing for joint unsupervised access. I agree that we probably all need more understanding and awareness. Please see this article, also on Pink Tape, which talks about domestic violence in family cases. 6. In the UK, the emphasis and the responsibility for ensuring a safe family home, says James-Hanman, is typically placed squarely on the victim. Yes, repeatedly returning to a relationship with a violent person and exposing the children to that violence is not good parenting; that is why children are removed from women who do this. The problem is the Police are failing in their duty to bring the criminals to justice.Often women are talking to a brick wall.Police inaction perpetuates the cycle.They have been a part of the cycle for years. I believe the major problem is that woman will in the future take a beating from their partners as they know if they report this along follow social services to remove their children..and this will result in more deaths . My oldest knew. Then you need to write another statement explaining what was going on and provide some medical evidence in support. Statistics are not all and they go up and down. It doesn’t matter what he says – talk is cheap. 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